16 years later, i’m back in the US 

Sunny Zhang 

In the book “Beijingers in New York”, there’s a line that says, “If you hate him, let him come to America; if you love him, also let him come to America.” In summary, if you care about someone, let them come to America.  

1) Over the past sixteen years, there have been tremendous changes from the individual to the collective level economically.

In 1995 when I left China, my monthly income was around 2,000 RMB, but actually the newspaper company only provided half of that, with the other half coming from writing fees for articles I wrote for various national media outlets as an entertainment reporter, as well as red envelopes from hosting various news conferences and screening events. When I first set foot on American soil and saw that a pound of green vegetables cost $0.99 (equivalent to about 8 RMB at the time), I was trembling inside. Because back then, a jin (0.5 kg) of green vegetables in Shanghai cost only 5 or 10 cents RMB.  

After thirty years of reform and opening up, when I landed again in the US during the Spring Festival in 2019, I suddenly realized how inexpensive things were here. Eggs, milk, beef, and fruits could be grabbed without even looking at the prices.  It was a stark contrast to the feelings I had as a struggling student back then.

Compared to the generation of students like me who had to work part-time jobs to pay tuition fees, I hardly ever saw any Chinese students nowadays having to work to cover their study costs. Although they are quite sensible, you can tell they were brought up in pampered families, with their parents constantly sending them stuff without even blinking at the thousands spent on shipping fees.

2) The situations of old friends have changed, and their attitudes have changed too.

The Asian supermarket where I used to work part-time was owned by a Taiwanese couple – supposedly one was an engineering PhD and the other studied music. At that time, I really didn’t understand how they could have “ended up” in a situation like that. But after returning to the US, I realized that many highly educated Chinese ended up running various businesses: insurance, real estate, or even supermarkets, restaurants, renovation companies…Once society no longer dictates what kind of job you must have with a certain degree, everyone can make their own choices.

An elderly friend told me solemnly back then that those who could come to America were all elites. Indeed, the study abroad craze in the 80s and 90s created a phenomenon on university campuses: the better the school, the larger the concentration of students going abroad after graduation. Most of them ended up becoming ordinary middle-class people in America. 

It’s not that they weren’t disappointed at all. But the longer they lived in the US, the more I noticed the arrogance of being part of the privileged class in Shanghai gradually dissipating. Although they missed out on China’s economic boom over the past few decades, they did not fall behind in terms of personal growth. They may not have become tycoons like some in China, but they exude a sense of tranquility in their lives. Their faces are written with two words: acceptance.

This acceptance is not a reluctant “taking it” out of desperation, but a profound understanding that comes after the ups and downs of life. They returned to simplicity, loving all the little joys in life, without comparing themselves to others or being anxious. This is vastly different from the gold rush mentality I was surrounded by in the rapidly developing China. Having settled into a stable middle-class life, they started pursuing things beyond just money, rekindling some youthful dreams they couldn’t fulfill before.

To continue reading the entire story, please visit the website: https://caal-ma.org/immigrationstories

What surprised me was that compared to when we were completely disconnected from mainstream American society and only cared about our own prospects back then, overseas Chinese today are much more engaged in politics – from community development to presidential elections, there is more courage and ability to voice opinions. Although views may differ, more and more Chinese have learned to be tolerant of dissenting opinions – which is undoubtedly tremendous progress. A defining characteristic of a democratic society is this: I may disagree with your views, but I will firmly uphold your right to speak. For the educated class, this is absolutely crucial. Because the purpose of debate is not to determine a winner, but for all to progress through the collision of ideas.

Independent thinking will always be the fundamental basis for a society to progress.

3) Accompanying my child through schooling has given me new perspectives on American education.  

The first time I landed in America, I dove straight into the university campus life. During those eight years in the US, most of my time was spent in the ivory tower. My understanding of American higher education was: there are so many intelligent people at American universities, and they can very quickly link schools with enterprises.

This time, returning with a young child has allowed me to experience American basic education. American elementary school teachers, especially those in public schools, don’t earn high salaries – the vast majority choose this profession because they love it. It’s worlds apart: no frantic back-to-back conference calls, no complaining to superiors regardless of circumstances, and no parents confronting each other when kids have conflicts. No matter what issue arises at school, it is the child’s own matter.  

Secondly, the children are truly the nation’s flowers. Everything revolves around the child. A couple of days ago, to study the next step in this one child’s learning plan, a team of seventeen people including experts, teachers, and translators had a one-and-a-half-hour meeting. The friend I invited to join said, “Oh my god, at least half of them are PhD holders.”

Yes, if you haven’t experienced it yourself, you wouldn’t believe it.

Additionally, I used to think American elementary school students were just free-range. But in reality, they are given more space for different children to cultivate their interests in learning and exploring, allowing parents and teachers to discover each child’s strengths. However, schools share one common emphasis, which is on social skills – the aim of basic education is to shape these children into people who can contribute value to society. This includes the possibility of becoming the next Bill Gates or Elon Musk, or working at McDonald’s or Amazon.  

As long as you can be self-sufficient, that’s considered commendable.

4) Although time is still money, America has allowed me to slow down.

In the early days of reform and opening up, there was a popular saying in China: “Time is money, efficiency is life.” In America, the concept of “time is money” only applies to certain professionals: lawyers, psychologists, therapists, music and art teachers, sports coaches, etc. who charge by the hour. But that sense of urgency for “time is money” is absent.

Gradually, I – someone used to the fast-paced hustle – was also worn down to be more patient. Watching workers installing equipment in our home, they clearly only booked a two-hour window but ended up taking five or six hours and still didn’t finish, only to return the next day to work half a day more. But when I looked at the invoice, it was still just for two hours of work – they didn’t even charge extra.

What could I say? After seeing such things repeatedly, it didn’t seem strange anymore. I even started to enjoy letting others merge in front of me while driving. By slowing down, anxiety naturally decreased – waiting in line, waiting for appointments, waiting at red lights…No wonder one of the important lessons taught to kids from a young age is: learning to wait.  

Of course, don’t think everything in America happens slowly – when there is a true urgency, action is taken swiftly, like with the COVID-19 vaccines. They just don’t constantly operate with the same crisis mentality as the Chinese nation.  

5) Without the sense of being “above others”, I’ve started to find happiness in being ordinary.

I have to say, during those years in China, I was still living with “moderate privilege” in many ways – whether education, healthcare, or other resources that could be accessed through money and connections. From this, I also witnessed completely different layers of Chinese society: if you want to live a decent life, you have to possess more than others. Under the law of the jungle, no one is spared.

Of course, we also benefited from the regional difference in labor costs. With this advantage, ordinary urbanites could hire migrant workers from rural areas to work as hourly housekeepers. But after re-landing in the US, I still felt like a pauper in my pocket – because wages for ordinary American workers are just too high. So relying on various small appliances and gadgets made life a lot simpler here.   

Many may ask: Shanghai is so great now, why immigrate?

Here is my translation of that section:

I want to say, firstly, I have an “underachieving” son who was considered a “disruptive factor” in the eyes of his teachers in China – being confined to the “discipline room”, getting his palms struck, made to stand as punishment, publicly criticized in class…Even after coming to the US, the teachers told me he often brought up his experiences in China, afraid of making mistakes yet unable to control his own behavior, often needing the teacher’s reassurance. In these past three years, what I’ve heard teachers say the most is how to help the child “succeed.” Initially I found it quite strange – how can an elementary school student “succeed”? But in the eyes of Americans, even an elementary school student should experience the joy of “success.” If he is constantly criticized and corrected, he won’t have that feeling of success. And this feeling will impact the child’s self-confidence for life.

Now I understand why American kids all seem to have this inexplicable self-confidence. My biggest realization in these three years is: a mother is not fighting alone, the whole society has a responsibility to help children grow up healthily.  

Secondly, having worked most of my life dealing with people, I’ve grown weary of it and deep down want to find a quiet place to hide away, read books, watch movies and TV, listen to music, and then, calmly write.

If the first time I landed in America I felt that Americans welcomed us “guests” with curiosity and warmth, today Americans look at us more with admiration tinged with helplessness: admiring how intelligent and wealthy the Chinese are, yet feeling helpless that the Chinese have taken away so many job opportunities and depressed market prices across many industries.

America is not heaven, nor is it an example for anyone else. There are countless areas where it falls short of people’s expectations or lags behind other countries, including China. But as Chen Danqing said, America is still a place where reason can prevail: at least here, the vast majority of ordinary people can live with dignity, and with choices.

The first time I landed in America, I sat on the front lawn musing: America is great, but it’s not mine. Now, after briefly having the feeling of “America is great, and it’s also mine”, I find myself sighing again after constantly seeing reports like that of the mother of 8 children who trafficked Liuxuezhou: America is still great, but it’s still not mine （on the eyes of Chinese netters）.